Why I Stopped Telling My Child To Be Inclusive & Kind

Have you ever heard the saying, kill them with kindness?
I bet as a parent, you’ve taught your children that rather than putting harm, there should be kindness which is true, very true.
Although, it’s true, is it right? Are you aware of the risks that your children are facing everyday as they are exposed to different kinds of people?

Is being inclusive, kind and compassionate enough, or will it put your child under difficult situations?

One mom from our community shared her experience that back then she had always told her daughter to be kind to everyone. Despite her daughter saying that a person is disruptive, she would reply with “Be inclusive” or to listen with what people have to say.

Unfortunately, things went otherwise as expected.
If you’re a parent who always tell your kid to be kind and inclusive, this article is for you. Know the reasons why most parents are no longer telling their kids to be nice.

Are you aware of the risks that your children are facing everyday as they are exposed to different kinds of people? Is being inclusive, kind and compassionate enough, or will it put someone under difficult situations?
Being kind to all is everyone’s natural desire. Nobody with a proper mind would think of inflicting harm to others. In this modern world, being kind only is not enough to get through each day. We need to be someone who can cope with how dangerous the world is. The children need to learn how to live as a decent person but still be safe.

Teaching Them Manners

Parents want their children to grow up with proper manners. They would want to make their children the kind of people with a great personality, who wouldn’t want that right?

Usually, a parent would tell their child to always look for the positivity in people; to be someone who understands despite situations because you do not know what someone is going through.

Similarly, not knowing what people are going through can also mean that we are not fully aware of what they are capable of as a person, may it be harmful or beneficial.

Showing compassion is expressing kindness, care and involvement to a person especially in times of hardships. The world clearly needs more compassion.

Compassion is not the only trait that we need. It is a great thing to be compassionate but if we are not careful with the people we show compassion for we may be led to the wrong direction. Kindness is another trait that we need to see more of. This trait also means to show respect in all other beings.

“Inclusion is one way to show both kindness and compassion.”

Dangers in Kindness

Although both traits are great ways to be a good person who socializes with other people, these two may lead us to something unsafe if not moderated in expression.

In Julee Morrison’s article “Why I No Longer Tell My Child To Be Inclusive and Kind”, she has mentioned that back then she had always told her daughter to be kind to everyone. Despite her daughter saying that a person is disruptive, she would reply with “Be inclusive” or to listen with what people have to say.

She is the kind of mom who would say “Have compassion; you don’t know what someone else is going through.”

Little did she know that this would put her daughter in a sticky situation. Her attention was called by the school informing her about her daughter’s situation. The child who she told her daughter to show kindness and compassion was harassing her daughter.

It is not inevitable to think that if she only listened to her daughter and did not push her to be someone who is always kind, maybe just maybe her daughter would not have experienced such. Mrs. Morrison had even put the blame on herself by saying “I have given you terrible parenting advice.”

However she was only attempting to raise a child full of compassion and kindness, it went the wrong path.

More than just being kind and compassionate, everyone especially the children should be alert, sensitive and aware of the world around us. This world we are living in is dangerous. There are all kinds of people that you can bump into every day. You might not know that you are being kind to someone who has bad motives…

It’s Not About Being Nice

To survive is to know who or which is your enemy. We need to recognize and be sensitive to the people around us. People should not give trust like free candy. Before trusting a person, one must be fully aware of what they are, their personalities, their intentions and basically how they are as a human being.

The different kinds of people that our kids are interacting with everyday all grew up with a different environment. No one is a duplicate of another. In a similar manner, we teach our kids that the way that we should treat people should be different. You should not let a random person inside your house just because he was thirsty and you are kind. Anyone can literally be anyone. What lies beneath is always a mystery, we should always play safe.

It is not a bad thing to be careful. It is not wrong to be doubtful if the situation is doubtful. It is called being safe. It is putting yourself in view where you see what the person is, what he or she can do or not do to your child, if he or she is beneficial or harmful to your kid. You have every right to protect your baby from what may cause him/her danger.

Let your child know that…
Being kind all the time may bring harm to himself/herself. You may be imparting to him/her the values of showing everyone what great of a person you made them to be and that they have a great personality but what good would that really do if you are only harming your kids by doing so.

Too much kindness can create danger.  

To other people, your child’s kindness indicates weakness which makes them think that they can manipulate him/her. They may think that since you brought your kids up to be kind, they will follow everything they instruct.

This may lead to harassment, abuse and/or bullying.

There are situations where kindness to people is being taken advantage of. An example is when someone asks your kid for help and they think that it is guaranteed for him/her to do so. This way of living may be destructive, being selfless is destructive. Too much kindness is self-destructive, more so with the wrong people around your child.  

It’s About Being Right

So… to what degree should you teach your child to be good?
Simple.
Only if it’s right.

Train your child NOT to be the kindest but to be the most RIGHTEOUS.

Being kind is to be considerate and indulgent which often leads to being permissive of abuse and mistreat.

Teaching your kids to be too nice can hurt them.
Let your child know that kindness is not all about giving, permitting, and allowing…

Rather…it is with morally acceptable and justifiable actions that kindness becomes right — that’s being righteous.

By doing this, you are bringing up a good child fenced with life skills that pushing abuses and mistreats away.

As parents, do not push your children to always be kind knowing that there are life threatening risks. Being kind is not enough. Being compassionate is not enough. The guidance needs to start on how to recognize which people are trustworthy and which people are worth being kind and compassionate for.

There is nothing wrong with teaching them to be kind and compassionate, but we should not forget to teach them that kindness should end in a situation where they opt to be NICE over RIGHT. 

By: Bolanos & Magahis


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