Why I Stopped Telling My Child To Be Inclusive & Kind

Have you ever heard the saying, kill them with kindness?
I bet as a parent, you’ve taught your children that rather than putting harm, there should be kindness which is true, very true.
Although, it’s true, is it right? Are you aware of the risks that your children are facing everyday as they are exposed to different kinds of people?

Is being inclusive, kind and compassionate enough, or will it put your child under difficult situations?

One mom from our community shared her experience that back then she had always told her daughter to be kind to everyone. Despite her daughter saying that a person is disruptive, she would reply with “Be inclusive” or to listen with what people have to say.

Unfortunately, things went otherwise as expected.
If you’re a parent who always tell your kid to be kind and inclusive, this article is for you. Know the reasons why most parents are no longer telling their kids to be nice.

Are you aware of the risks that your children are facing everyday as they are exposed to different kinds of people? Is being inclusive, kind and compassionate enough, or will it put someone under difficult situations?
Being kind to all is everyone’s natural desire. Nobody with a proper mind would think of inflicting harm to others. In this modern world, being kind only is not enough to get through each day. We need to be someone who can cope with how dangerous the world is. The children need to learn how to live as a decent person but still be safe.

Teaching Them Manners

Parents want their children to grow up with proper manners. They would want to make their children the kind of people with a great personality, who wouldn’t want that right?

Usually, a parent would tell their child to always look for the positivity in people; to be someone who understands despite situations because you do not know what someone is going through.

Similarly, not knowing what people are going through can also mean that we are not fully aware of what they are capable of as a person, may it be harmful or beneficial.

Showing compassion is expressing kindness, care and involvement to a person especially in times of hardships. The world clearly needs more compassion.

Compassion is not the only trait that we need. It is a great thing to be compassionate but if we are not careful with the people we show compassion for we may be led to the wrong direction. Kindness is another trait that we need to see more of. This trait also means to show respect in all other beings.

“Inclusion is one way to show both kindness and compassion.”

Dangers in Kindness

Although both traits are great ways to be a good person who socializes with other people, these two may lead us to something unsafe if not moderated in expression.

In Julee Morrison’s article “Why I No Longer Tell My Child To Be Inclusive and Kind”, she has mentioned that back then she had always told her daughter to be kind to everyone. Despite her daughter saying that a person is disruptive, she would reply with “Be inclusive” or to listen with what people have to say.

She is the kind of mom who would say “Have compassion; you don’t know what someone else is going through.”

Little did she know that this would put her daughter in a sticky situation. Her attention was called by the school informing her about her daughter’s situation. The child who she told her daughter to show kindness and compassion was harassing her daughter.

It is not inevitable to think that if she only listened to her daughter and did not push her to be someone who is always kind, maybe just maybe her daughter would not have experienced such. Mrs. Morrison had even put the blame on herself by saying “I have given you terrible parenting advice.”

However she was only attempting to raise a child full of compassion and kindness, it went the wrong path.

More than just being kind and compassionate, everyone especially the children should be alert, sensitive and aware of the world around us. This world we are living in is dangerous. There are all kinds of people that you can bump into every day. You might not know that you are being kind to someone who has bad motives…

It’s Not About Being Nice

To survive is to know who or which is your enemy. We need to recognize and be sensitive to the people around us. People should not give trust like free candy. Before trusting a person, one must be fully aware of what they are, their personalities, their intentions and basically how they are as a human being.

The different kinds of people that our kids are interacting with everyday all grew up with a different environment. No one is a duplicate of another. In a similar manner, we teach our kids that the way that we should treat people should be different. You should not let a random person inside your house just because he was thirsty and you are kind. Anyone can literally be anyone. What lies beneath is always a mystery, we should always play safe.

It is not a bad thing to be careful. It is not wrong to be doubtful if the situation is doubtful. It is called being safe. It is putting yourself in view where you see what the person is, what he or she can do or not do to your child, if he or she is beneficial or harmful to your kid. You have every right to protect your baby from what may cause him/her danger.

Let your child know that…
Being kind all the time may bring harm to himself/herself. You may be imparting to him/her the values of showing everyone what great of a person you made them to be and that they have a great personality but what good would that really do if you are only harming your kids by doing so.

Too much kindness can create danger.  

To other people, your child’s kindness indicates weakness which makes them think that they can manipulate him/her. They may think that since you brought your kids up to be kind, they will follow everything they instruct.

This may lead to harassment, abuse and/or bullying.

There are situations where kindness to people is being taken advantage of. An example is when someone asks your kid for help and they think that it is guaranteed for him/her to do so. This way of living may be destructive, being selfless is destructive. Too much kindness is self-destructive, more so with the wrong people around your child.  

It’s About Being Right

So… to what degree should you teach your child to be good?
Simple.
Only if it’s right.

Train your child NOT to be the kindest but to be the most RIGHTEOUS.

Being kind is to be considerate and indulgent which often leads to being permissive of abuse and mistreat.

Teaching your kids to be too nice can hurt them.
Let your child know that kindness is not all about giving, permitting, and allowing…

Rather…it is with morally acceptable and justifiable actions that kindness becomes right — that’s being righteous.

By doing this, you are bringing up a good child fenced with life skills that pushing abuses and mistreats away.

As parents, do not push your children to always be kind knowing that there are life threatening risks. Being kind is not enough. Being compassionate is not enough. The guidance needs to start on how to recognize which people are trustworthy and which people are worth being kind and compassionate for.

There is nothing wrong with teaching them to be kind and compassionate, but we should not forget to teach them that kindness should end in a situation where they opt to be NICE over RIGHT. 

By: Bolanos & Magahis


7 Budgeting Tips for New Parents

There’s no secret that having a baby is expensive. In fact, for a baby who
was born in 2018, parents could expect to spend an average of Php 754, 000
annually.

While getting ready ahead is key to manage a new born’s needs, there are
many unknown costs that can send even the most budget-wise parents into chaos. 

However, with these money moves it will help lessen financial burden of
parenthood, so you can spend more time with your little bundle of joy!

But first, a warning: Becoming a parent is a very challenging roller coaster ride. It’s equally scary and exciting. Just be sure that you know that your expenses and income will change for years to come. It’s only up to you on how you budget things, prepare for any circumstances and be flexible in handling money.

Manage every cent. As a new parent, you may likely prepare for your baby’s basic needs such as diapers and milk, but there are less obvious costs that can cause budgets to soar higher, such as babysitting services, and emergency medical visits. This is why it’s important to better prepare for unpredictable expense and cut excessive spending.

Elizabeth Renter from “Managing Money, Personal Finance,” recommends using the 50/30/20 approach in dividing your income in a better way. 50% is for needs of your family such as household bills, child care, diapers and
food 30% is for the things we want to buy or financial wants.

And lastly, 20% is for saving for the future of your child or other unexpected events. This 50/30/20 approach can help you get a better idea on how your current budget breaks down. Once you made sure you organized your budget plan, track your progress from month to month.

But if you’re really tempted to buy a bigger house or a fancier car for your family, make sure to deliberately think about your decision. See if your really need a better house or you just want it. If you spend more on living expense, then it will put a strain on your household budget and cause more stress.

Settle your financial priorities. As a new parent, you may feel you need to rush for your child’s education, and that is exemplary knowing that college is becoming more expensive than expected. But this shouldn’t come at the cost of your current and future financial security. After all, you can borrow money for college, but not for retirement.

Once you have a small amount of emergency cash to cover unexpected expenses — say Php 27,500 — your financial priorities should be as follows:

  1. Retirement savings: To make sure you’re saving enough for the future, try to save once you retire from work. You should ideally set aside 15% of your income.
  2. Toxic debt payments:  Pay off debt that is hurting you. Balances on payday loans, credit cards and title loans, for example, cost you daily and prevent you from focusing on other financial priorities.
  3. Practice living on less. When it comes to budgeting for parenthood, the keys are having equal parts of preparedness and flexibility. As said before, your income will surely change after having a child, even if temporarily. One parent might leave work entirely to take care of the child. Your income will probably change after having a child, even if temporarily.
  4. Anticipate changing expenses. As a parent, it is a life long journey to have a lot of expenses due to your child. From the day he/she is born until it grows into a woman or man. First it will be milk, diapers and bottle then it will be educational fees and food.

In the meantime:

  • Estimate the amount you’ll spend in the first year of the coming of your baby.
  • Make sure to add the needs of all your family members and also a small budget for unexpected events.
  • Refrain from buying luxurious brands. If you may, buy secondhand.Shop around for child care. Make sure to get the things that are cost-efficient an quality-effective.
  • Expect how long some expenses will last. Many expenses for first-time parents are one-time costs such as crib and strollers. Others will just continue for a few years,such as diapers until your child knows how to withdraw properly.
  • Review upcoming expenses monthly. You don’t want to be unprepared, so find space in your budget as best you can in advance.

Start college savings now. By the year 2030, the cost of a four-year degree at a university is expected to top more than Php 19,250,000 ( $381,912). And that’s quite alarming for a parent who wants the best education for their child.

It’s never too early to start saving for college, Godwin says, noting that if you open a dedicated, tax-advantaged college savings account (like a 529 plan) now, you’ll have up to 18 years to grow the amount and take advantage of the tax benefits.

Budgeting is never easy to everyone; but with great dedication you can save up to more money than you can imagine. Being a parent is a surreal feeling that needs equal parts of preparedness and flexibility for your family to get the basic needs they need. So if you have a baby coming in your way, then better save up for your future! You don’t know what the future will be in stored for you so better be prepared.

Pro-breastfeeding. Natural ways always beats the artificial ways; and breastfeeding is way better than formula feeding. Not only that the mother and baby will be nourished by abundant health benefits, but it will also be beneficial to your pockets. Formula costs about Php 2,000 ($40) a week depending on the brand, compared to the all-natural and peso-free breastfeeding.

Ask help from families. Family and friends are always there for us. So if they have a child who’s already grown out of her crib, ask if you can borrow their baby stuff. Borrowing things for your baby rather than buying them saves you tons of money. It also helps you to have a bigger budget for the other needs of your family.

We hope that you learn something from this content, if you want to get some home maintenance checklist, check our home page. 

BY: ABUEL

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7 Things You Should Do to Save Up Money

You can probably still remember the first time you got a paycheck, and it must have felt exciting to finally be able to earn money. Do you remember what you bought back then? Did you treat yourself by buying that video game you always wanted? Did you go out and had a party with your friends? Or did you bring your date to that fancy restaurant that they always wanted?

Those must have been some fun times, but what else did you with your money? Some of you might have consumed your entire salary on just the third day, spending it on things that aren’t necessarily important. And here you are, thinking of ways on how to make several dollars last for another week until the next payday. By now you’ve probably realized that you didn’t use up your money well.

Here are 7 things that you should do to save up until your next payday:

AVOID UNNECESSARY EXPENSES

You’ve probably heard this a lot by now. That’s because this is the most important rule if you want to save money. It’s okay if you want to treat yourself to a fancy restaurant on your payday, but it’s not okay to keep spending lavishly every day. Unnecessary expenses also include buying things that you don’t actually need. For example, buying a new notebook, when you’ve already got several other blank notebooks at home. Or even that fashion magazine that you’ll only read once, and then dump somewhere in the house. These small expenses will pile up and take a heavy toll on your salary.

WALK OR RIDE A BIKE TO WORK

Is your work just a couple of blocks from your house? Then you should just walk or ride a bike to work. Not only is this eco-friendly, but this also saves you a lot of money on gasoline. You could also use the public transportation as an alternative, since it is a cheaper method in going to work. Especially if your salary is not that large yet, I recommend lessening your transportation allowance in order to save up a lot.

MAKE INVESTMENTS

If you have a small salary, you probably wouldn’t think of investing your money yet, and that is wrong. After receiving your salary, you should immediately separate a portion for investments. That way, you can ensure that your money will grow in the future. If you keep your money in a bank, then it will remain stagnant. The money will not decrease, but it will also not increase much.

Another great investment are on household objects that will make your everyday life easier. An example is investing to get that high quality stove that cooks your food better. Another example is saving up for those branded shoes that are sturdier and more comfortable to walk on.

PLAN YOUR WEEKLY MEALS

A large portion of our salary goes out on food. We eat at an average of three meals a day, plus the occasional snacks in between. Learning to plan and budget our weekly meals would cut off a lot in our expenses, thus being able to spend them on other thing.

No, instant noodles and dollar store food do not count. You need to save up and remain healthy at the same time. When I say, “plan your meals”, this means investing your time on preparing your own food. You can look up on the internet on some simple recipes that you could whip up before you go to work. You could also write down a list of food that you want to eat throughout the week, so you could go to the grocery to buy your ingredients. Not everyone may be a great chef, but anyone can cook.

RECYCLE

Learning to recycle your things would be a great way to cut off unnecessary expenses, which were mentioned above. Recycling also includes making DIY objects for your home, which usually cost less than buying them at the store. For example, you could recycle used paper to create decorations for your home.

Recycling your food also counts. For example, if you have some leftover roasted chicken, you can shred these and add to your pasta. Not only does it enhances the flavor, but it also saves you some money.

START A SMALL BUSINESS

Everyone has a hobby or skill, and wouldn’t it be better if you could make money off of it? If you are artistic, then use these skills to earn yourself some extra cash that you help you extend until the next payday. It doesn’t have to be a big business that requires you to focus on it full-time. It could be something simple, like selling handmade bookmarks, making small paintings, or sewing dresses for little girls’ dolls. Not only do you make money, but you also get to do what you love. It’s a win-win situation!

KEEP TRACK OF YOUR EXPENSES

Last but not the least, you should keep track of your expenses. It’s good to know where you spent your money, and you’ll learn how to save up better for the next time. There are a lot of applications in your phone that helps you keep track of where your money went, but my personal preference is having a small notebook that I carry with me all the time.

Be sure to list down everything that required you to spend money, or even when you earned some. As I said before, even the smallest expenses can do a lot of damage on your salary in the long run.

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